I never mean to fall off blogland or internet land but I do it so frequently, I should accept that it is my m.o.
right now, I am drinking some spearmint tea and listening to the sound machine my littlest turned on because she can’t help her little hands want to press all the buttons.
somehow in my sleep last night, I pressed the buttons and woke up in the middle of the night…very disappointed that it was no where near time to wake up and my pillow was missing and the covers tangled at the foot of the bed. my husband was downstairs playing with his new hobby-radio(I am not sure what that means but he is ridiculously excited about it).
so I am dragging, but I finished the survey that the census bureau has been hounding me for. I could have sworn that I read it was voluntary but turns out if you don’t do it they will make you feel bad.
they called my husband in the middle of work one day. he answers his phone…I don’t. sometimes, I just press mute on the house phone (how 90s). the other day I deleted my email off my phone alongside a slew of apps. I can always download them again but I just needed the space.
the reason that I got the sound machine that my littlest is obbessed with is because I went through a few weeks of really bad sleep. sleepless makes me hateful. there is no kind way to put it…so a fancy sound machine from Bed Bath and Beyond was the least I could do to make my little home a better place.
it works, the sound machine. also, what is working for me is little alarms throughout the day that say breathe and drink water.
I have a few. they are like a gentle mother hen clucking at me to eat, to breathe, to drink water. I even have a walk one. do I always obey them…no because life but they pull me back to the present and I focus on trying to get to a space where I can do those gentle tending things
I guess that’s why I fall off the internet, sometimes I can’t bear to consume one more piece of information. so I don’t. I am kidding but I do get really choosy (even for a bit). I think we all (especially) if we use the internet for pleasure (which most ppl do (no judgment because I am in that boat) need to let it continue with to without us. it’s okay to stop. breathe and drink your own water. fill your well and return on your own terms.
the truth is that I had lots of grand ambitions for summer blogging that fell really short after I realized that I have very limited mental space with two small littles underfoot.
maybe if I did this or that I would have more time or space but I am all for least amount of effort and priorities…some days.
so I find myself with a quiet evening upon me. well semi-quiet because the family is outside for a little run about. fresh air tires little out, they say.
I have been all over the place these days and pressing on…if that makes sense. I have made lots of biscuits, bread(flat) and tortillas this summer and a cake or two, too. oh and cookies.
somehow I became a baker after years of declaring I never would and it makes me happy. I am nothing fancy but I secretly squeal that I know a few recipes by heart (via cookbooks and the internets, of course).
I think what keeps me from writing with any regularity is that I live a very pedestrian life. I don’t have any complaints about that but I am also not prone to lots of moments of poetic insight either. although, I can do a run-on like nobody’s business.
I have taken up slow stitching and book binding these days. I don’t even know who I am but I just enjoy making things with my hands. nothing fancy. nothing to alert the press about…just pure joy.
I still like words. I have dreams of writing stories and poems again but just can’t seem to get myself together to do it.
I like to think I am incubating and one day I will just sit down and forest of words will greet my pages.
I am okay with just making books and bread and writing little snippets of life here(this blog) and there(in my journals).
this post seems contrary and it’s really not suppose to be that way. like I said, I am all over the place.
I think what I really want to say–is sometimes we think things are suppose to be one way and they are another and that is still beautiful and okay.
It’s a faux junk journal because I made a little watercolor sketchbook (using pamphlet stitch), modified it to fit inside the day book cover and then I glue or sew the junk journal pieces onto the sketchbook😩.
it gives me the illusion of a junk journal with the possibility and stability of a sketchbook.
I really enjoy making sketchbooks…as long as I can do whatever when it comes to the binding…as soon as I have to be perfect I am over it.
Tbh I have some more fussing about to do in the inside of the insert…can’t wait to see what it becomes.
I have given up on reading literally blockbusters (for the most part). I am not really a blockbuster type of woman. my favorite movies are Love Jones and Agatha and the storm, after all…very slow moving movies tbh. my favorite authors are Alice Walker and Jane Austen….not exactly fast paced. it’s just the way is and while I can dibble and dabble I usually feel most comfy in books ( and movies) that are in my little subjects of interest and I read and watch them again and again because that’s makes me happy. And reading (purely) for pleasure. well. that’s just exquisite.