Freedom feels

There is glory in smallness.

I am learning this as I explore what creative practice means to me .

It is so easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing but true freedom comes in learning and honoring whatever works for me…in this season of life.

I am learning|

How to leave space.

To explore.

To start again.

To go small.

To let things be.

That it doesn’t have to be a great work of art 🖼 or praised by others to be worthy.

It is enough to create.

this is art, too

the truth is I can’t keep up.

I don’t know how I use to paint every night when the toddler was a baby. maybe it was just excitement but lately, I can really go ages without picking up a paintbrush. I am sort of relieved that it is not an obsession anymore and also perplexed. I wonder if I am relapsing or maybe it is just that super focus was good for that time in my life. now, things are becoming so different and I just want to give myself a break.

I don’t think I have kept up with anything like I have my painting practice… my creative practice.

there is a part of me that feels very dependent on art(painting, mostly) for feeling good and I wonder if I stop what that would feel like.

would it just be swept up into another hobby?

I have made about a zillion art journals lately ( and put every little art in them)but instead, I found myself scrapping/scraptherapy or writing…

I keep having to remind myself that I have not abandoned my practice.

I have not abandoned myself.

I am very much here.

it just looks different.

this is okay.

I keep having to keep my hands moving.

things are evolving.

these new/old things…

this is my art, too.

letting go, too

there has been this nutty thought looming in my head about getting rid of most of my old journals. Or just keeping the ones that mean something to me or cutting out the pieces that do.

when I think about all the things I’ve created I am happy I have created them but rarely do I go back and look at the older ones. my favorite journal is always my current one.

art is so funny. I always thought I was creating to hold on but maybe it’s about letting go, too.

enough

I recently finished craft-fulness: mend yourself by making things. the book did not present any earth shattering revelations but it did remind me of why I do what I do…i love it.

I know that we are often told to monetize all the things (and there is nothing wrong with that) but it is also okay to just do things because they make you feel good.

maybe I am the freak who just likes to make things for the sake of making them. I know I could do more but I don’t want to right now. I am satisfied with my smallness. I am okay with my ordinary life of making , wifing and mothering. I don’t want to hustle or beholden to shareholders/clients/the market…not right now and maybe never when it comes to creativity.

the truth is after 900 years of school( I kid but it felt like that at times) , I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up but maybe I am doing what I need to in this particular session of my life. And that is okay. it’s more than okay. it’s enough.

I have probably written this all before but it bears repeating.