beautiful and okay

the truth is that I had lots of grand ambitions for summer blogging that fell really short after I realized that I have very limited mental space with two small littles underfoot.

maybe if I did this or that I would have more time or space but I am all for least amount of effort and priorities…some days.

so I find myself with a quiet evening upon me. well semi-quiet because the family is outside for a little run about. fresh air tires little out, they say.

I have been all over the place these days and pressing on…if that makes sense. I have made lots of biscuits, bread(flat) and tortillas this summer and a cake or two, too. oh and cookies.

somehow I became a baker after years of declaring I never would and it makes me happy. I am nothing fancy but I secretly squeal that I know a few recipes by heart (via cookbooks and the internets, of course).

I think what keeps me from writing with any regularity is that I live a very pedestrian life. I don’t have any complaints about that but I am also not prone to lots of moments of poetic insight either. although, I can do a run-on like nobody’s business.

I have taken up slow stitching and book binding these days. I don’t even know who I am but I just enjoy making things with my hands. nothing fancy. nothing to alert the press about…just pure joy.

I still like words. I have dreams of writing stories and poems again but just can’t seem to get myself together to do it.

I like to think I am incubating and one day I will just sit down and forest of words will greet my pages.

or not.

I am okay with just making books and bread and writing little snippets of life here(this blog) and there(in my journals).

this post seems contrary and it’s really not suppose to be that way. like I said, I am all over the place.

I think what I really want to say–is sometimes we think things are suppose to be one way and they are another and that is still beautiful and okay.

a few good books

I have been on a decor and cookbook bender. I tried to get into a few books of fiction but it never seems to pan out.

or maybe I am trying to read what I think I should read versus what I actually want to read which is chic lit and mysteries

Perphas, I will look through my virtual and physical shelves and see if anything catches my eye.

or maybe I will just read about decorating and cooking and watch people talk about fiction.

my favorite booktuber these days is Jen Campbell

letting go, too

there has been this nutty thought looming in my head about getting rid of most of my old journals. Or just keeping the ones that mean something to me or cutting out the pieces that do.

when I think about all the things I’ve created I am happy I have created them but rarely do I go back and look at the older ones. my favorite journal is always my current one.

art is so funny. I always thought I was creating to hold on but maybe it’s about letting go, too.

enough

I recently finished craft-fulness: mend yourself by making things. the book did not present any earth shattering revelations but it did remind me of why I do what I do…i love it.

I know that we are often told to monetize all the things (and there is nothing wrong with that) but it is also okay to just do things because they make you feel good.

maybe I am the freak who just likes to make things for the sake of making them. I know I could do more but I don’t want to right now. I am satisfied with my smallness. I am okay with my ordinary life of making , wifing and mothering. I don’t want to hustle or beholden to shareholders/clients/the market…not right now and maybe never when it comes to creativity.

the truth is after 900 years of school( I kid but it felt like that at times) , I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up but maybe I am doing what I need to in this particular session of my life. And that is okay. it’s more than okay. it’s enough.

I have probably written this all before but it bears repeating.

A list for today #1

List |

Taking deep breaths

My kids. They are nuts but so fun. We are actually having a pretty decent summer and I say this because the past few have been bad bad. Keep us in your prayers.

Not trying to solve anyone’s business but my own| minding my business

Water

Vitamins

Dandy blend

Outside and chill

Laughing

Loving

Cooking

Baking

Music…Tasha’s Cobbs break every chain.

Reading. I’m going to try and finish a stack of books that I’ve renewed about three times this month…it’s mostly cookbooks (so I have a fighting chance).

Remembering my grandma. Her passing anniversary is this month. I want to make a cake or cornbread and greens and all the food I can recall her cooking. I don’t know what I will have strength for but she will be on my heart. I want to remember her to my kids because because of her I am.

Art. It is such a gift. One day…I will write(even if only you for myself) how it changed my life for the better.

Imaginary worlds

Materials |

Gouache , watercolor, ink, and marker. Scotch tape

Paper includes some pieces of Sabrina ward Harrison (and the questions) Daphne’s diary (little pieces of flower collage bits) maybe an image from Bella grace (yarn) and vintage papers. I think there is also a sticker from a planner sticker pack(probably happy planner) and some tabs from wanderlust (everythingartuk).

Trust

Materials |

For these pages I used a sticker pack called faith warriors, thickers (from American crafts), Washi tape, tissue paper from Tim Holt’s and some vintage papers. Also used some gouache, stabilo, oil pastels, scribble sticks and some random pens.

my bible is the message canvas bible and I do use it exclusively for bible journaling so I am okay with covering some of the words.

breadcrumbs

“Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can’t imagine.” 
― Kathleen Norris

more journal love

some materials from Ali Edwards,the wanderlust (everythingartuk course), flow magazine and Daphne’s diary
Images from random card & Tim holtz
flow magazine(balloons) and Courtney Diaz (images on the floor). images from Bella grace?
journal baby all ready to go. cover from wild simplicity( Lesley Austin), paper from Tim holtz, flow magazine and Daphne’s diary. fabric from joybird(samples)

Wild simplicity daybook and my faux junk journal insert

It’s a faux junk journal because I made a little watercolor sketchbook (using pamphlet stitch), modified it to fit inside the day book cover and then I glue or sew the junk journal pieces onto the sketchbook😩.

it gives me the illusion of a junk journal with the possibility and stability of a sketchbook.

I really enjoy making sketchbooks…as long as I can do whatever when it comes to the binding…as soon as I have to be perfect I am over it.

Tbh I have some more fussing about to do in the inside of the insert…can’t wait to see what it becomes.